Wednesday, June 17, 2009

One Year

Isn't it amazing how much can change in just one year? As I have listened each day to the powerful story of Molly Mutz (click HERE if you haven't listened yet; I promise you, it will change your life!) I have pondered how my heart has changed over the past year.

Most of you who read my blog or who know me well know that Drew and I tried with all of our hearts to get pregnant the minute he stepped off a plane from Kuwait. However, it was not in the Lord's plans for us to conceive right away, and quite frankly it made me mad. I went through grief, anger, jealousy (as many around me became pregnant and gave birth to precious babies)... you name it, I probably struggled with it. I really think my lowest of lows was when I found out about Molly. I really wrestled with the fact that someone who loved the Lord, would provide a safe, loving home, would be given a child only to be asked to give her back just days later. Or why God would give a couple who fights all the time, lives in less than ideal conditions and can't take care of themselves much less a child, would be granted life in the same breath. To human minds, His ways don't make much sense, yet there is a plan and purpose for every single thing he allows to happen. Yes, God allows pain. But were it not for the pain, our hearts and minds would never be transformed. We would grow calloused to how Mighty and how Faithful our Savior really is. I know now, that had I gotten pregnant right away, I don't think I would have cherished how truly precious life really is.

Perhaps this post seems a bit unorganized, and quite frankly I am not sure I could organize all the thoughts I've had as I have listened and pondered Molly story again this week. I just needed to lay out there what has been on my heart. I am so grateful that Becca and Jacob have graciously shared their story with the world so that we may all be moved by little Molly Ann.

PS-- Becca has also cowritten a book titled "A Symphony in the Dark". Drew ordered it for me today and I am so looking forward to learning even more from this precious little life.

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