Friday, April 20, 2012


John 16:33 
These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.

I've put off writing this post for over 2 weeks now. Every time I've sat down to write, the words just simply haven't come to my fingers (or my brain for that matter). Perhaps it's because there really are no words for what has been on my heart. My heart is a heavy one right now. I bear burdens that are personal to my family. The things our family has gone through over the past 6 months have been gut wrenching. I am so very thankful for counseling which has not only allowed me to sort out my emotions in a healthy way, but it has reminded me of the truths that I had quickly forgotten when trials headed my way. The Lord is in charge. He is my strength. He WANTS to carry our burdens for us, but we have to be willing to let go of them.

Willing and letting go... those are some tough truths to swallow. My flesh wants me to control what is going on, which is laughable when you really stop to think about it for a minute. Because even when I feel in control, I'm not. It's kind of like when I let Brayden steer the grocery cart or stroller. He finds a great deal of pride and sense of accomplishment in his steering. But in reality, he's really not steering. No, I'm the one with my hand on the cart or the stroller to gently guide the contraption where it needs to go. If Brayden was really in control of the movement, we'd careen off of the path or into an end cap about as quickly as I could let go. So I'm learning to let go and not throw a fit when the Lord says "no Lindsey. I think I need to be the one who guides us. It's not going to seem fun, but remember, I have your best interest at heart." It's a slllllooooowwww process for me, but I'm getting there. 

I thought I was doing good on this path of releasing and trusting. And then life happens. 

Over the course of the past several weeks one of my very dear friends, Mare, has given birth to her quadruplet girls. Three have gone to be with Jesus. And during that same time, Mare's mom, who has battled Alzheimer's for the past several years, also went to be with the Lord. I have grappled with why all of this would happen. My head knows the truth: the Lord is in control. Yet, my heart breaks for a friend who is dealing with losses that I'm not sure anyone could even begin comprehend. Mare's words seem far more adequate than mine in describing the past several weeks. You can read her blog here.

I'm not even sure why I am writing this post, other than that I know that writing is my medicine. It helps me process better than anything I have ever tried, so I need to write it. If you are a praying friend, I'd appreciate it if you'd pray for Mare, her husband Reid, and her little fighter Olivia, who's still in the NICU. If you're not the praying type, then my prayer for you is that you would find your way to a place where you become one. I'm not sure how I would have made it through the past several months without the hope of Jesus. He has saved. He has redeemed. And even though He promises that our lives will not be without heartache, He has overcome.

I think that the old hymn by Edward Mote sums it up best.

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.
When darkness seems to hide His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.



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