Sunday, April 22, 2012

{Untitled Weekend}

When I left on Friday, Brayden was still sleeping. He called me a few hours into my trip. Our conversation went like this:

Brayden: Mommy, you left us. You left us cause your friend is sad?
Me: Yes Brayden. Aunt Mare is sad and mommy needed to come be with her.
Brayden: Why is she sad momma? 
Me: Well, her babies went to Heaven to be with Jesus.
Brayden: but why?
Me: buddy I wish I knew why. But I don't. Which is why we need to pray for Aunt Mare really hard. 
Brayden: Ok. I pray for her. I pray for her tonight. 

Oh that we all have faith like a child. It's moments like the one above that the Lord whispers through my children.

This weekend we had plans to host some of our best friends and their three kids, attend Razorfest and enjoy the amazing weather that is gracing Northwest Arkansas. I wish I could tell you about all of the fun we had, about my kids dressed in cute Razorback garb and the Hogs overcoming the great adversity that has been thrown on the team this spring. I wish that our plans went on as normal. Because if our plans had gone on as normal, that would mean that I wouldn't have traveled to Dallas. It would mean that I would be able to be with my family. And most of all, it would mean that my friend Mare would not have had to bury three of her babies this weekend.

No parent should have to endure the hardship, tragedy and loss of losing a child. But losing three? It's incomprehensible really. When I try to sit and really think about the reality of everything happening, I can barely wrap my mind around it. I find myself asking God WHY. Why Mare? Why after she already has had to deal with so much? Unfortunately God's plans rarely match our human logic. Human logic says that there should never be a casket made that small. Human logic says that no one should have to endure infertility. Human logic says that no one should have to endure awful debilitating diseases.

I'm thankful that my God is big enough to listen to the questions without judgement, and still wrap me close to let me know He's still there. I'm thankful for a friend who, even though she walks in the very, very low valley of loss, is still reminding all around to praise the name of the Lord. It has reminded me that in our brokenness, the chips and cracks of that brokenness can allow the Lord to shine through when all else seems so dark.... but only if we let Him. I hope that my faith were as strong as Mare and Reid's should the Lord chose to allow trials into my life. And finally, I'm most ever grateful for Jesus, who gives me HOPE that I will see Catherine, Madelyn and Mary Grace again. Praise the Lord for the hope of Jesus.

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