Friday, December 20, 2013

Dear Drew....10 Years of Marriage.

dating pictures_1
Drew and Lindsey, circa Christmas 2001

Dear Drew-

10 years ago I became your Mrs.
wedding pic1
photo credit Tammy Belin Photography

Of all of the things I’ve done in my life, marrying you is the one thing I am most certain I got right.

You complete me in ways I never knew I needed completion. You rub off the raw edges and together, we have become a pretty good team.

You asked the other night if I could believe we’ve been married ten years. I can’t. Time has a way of getting away from us, and it most definitely has when it comes to our marriage. In many respects I feel like we just got married, yet our relationship clearly tells me otherwise, as we have the battle scars to prove it.

We’ve been through a lot over these past ten years. Things that I never even dreamed we’d go through. Statistics show that couples who experience some of the things we’ve experienced grow apart. That they’re likelihood of not lasting sky rockets. I’m so glad we’ve defied those statistics. That we’ve held hands and ran through the minefields and clung to each other during some of our darkest hours.

They say that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I’d say this has definitely been the case for us.

Some say that love is a feeling. I’m not quite sure I agree. You and I both know that there have been times that we may have loved each other, but we definitely didn’t like each other. I know you know this, but I probably don’t say it enough-- Even in those dark moments, I still choose you. I will always choose YOU. Not because it’s the easy thing to do, because if I’ve learned anything about marriage in the past 10 years, it’s that marriage isn’t easy. No, it’s not easy, but choosing you is the right thing to do, the thing I promised to do, and the thing that I am most determined to see to the end. Come hell our high water, you must know, above all else, that you have my heart.

Thank you for being a strong enough man to say when you are weak. For being willing to work on things, even when they’re not easy. For being a great dad and role model to our three boys. If there was ever a man I want my boys to be, it’s you.

I love you so much, and anxiously anticipate what the next 10, 20 and 30 years bring us on this incredible journey-


To my readers:

I contemplated how to write this post. In the end, I decided a letter form would work best for me, as this is, afterall, a journal of our family’s journey. What I want you to know, is that behind the letter, is a real marriage. I don’t want you to think that it’s all fun and roses in our house. We still fight. We still argue. But we also love. Over the past 8 months, Drew and I have attended what I call “preventative marriage counseling.” I always laugh when I say this to people; living in a reactive society, people automatically assume that because we’re in counseling, we are on the verge of calling this quits. But quite the opposite is true. Over the past 3 years we have seen plenty of marriages, both old and new, struggling to make it. We realized that if we did not make a conscious effort to work on our marriage with intention, that we were leaving our marriage vulnerable for attack. These past 8 months have been transformational for us, as we took down our walls and defenses and learned (and re-learned in some instances) how to work together as a team instead of two individuals. It was hard. And if you asked us, even now, I am sure both of us would say we’re still learning. Marriage is such an intricate dance. I have learned that I have to be OK with having my toes stepped on. That I can’t give up and become impatient just because Drew makes a mistake. He’s learning just like me, and it takes an incredible amount of grace to make the marriage move fluidly. So that’s where we’re at. GRACE. For ourselves and each other. Because we are determined to not just have a good marriage, but a GREAT one. If there is one thing I could admonish any married couple, old or young, it’s to go to counseling. It will seem vulnerable. And it will, at times, be uncomfortable. But it is SO SO good and is the single best thing we have ever done for our marriage.

A Dollop of My Life Copyright © 2007 -- Template created by O Pregador -- Powered by Blogger