Monday, August 1, 2011

Anger: What I am Learning.

Since the last time I wrote about anger and my quest to overcome the mommy blowups that seem like a daily occurance lately, I ordered a book. The title of it made me laugh. Are you ready?

She's Gonna Blow! by Julie Ann Barnhill.

After "flipping" through the first couple of pages on amazon, I realized it was just what I was looking for in a book on anger. It was biblically based (this was #1 on my priority list because while I don't think anger is a sin, what we DO with our anger can most definitely be sin, and I wanted to have someone who was biblically sound writing to me the words of wisdom I would read!), it was geared towards mommies, and it was funny. Barnhill does SUCH a great job of bringing the points home with whit and humor-- my two favorite things. I'm about a quarter of the way into the book and I love it. I thought I'd share with you some of the tidbits I am learning.

- Anger is almost always secondary. Barnhill really helps you try to dig to the bottom of WHY you are angry. For me, (and I hope to blog about this deeper once I really pick apart my own brain) I think it boils down to impatience, expectations and fear.
- Anger (or at least the cause of the anger) can sometimes be arrogant. I had never really thought of it this way, but when she said this, it made so much sense! I'll also try to explain this in a later post, but for now, think of it this way: are you angry because of fear? Wouldn't that also be arrogance, since God is in control of all, and loves your child more than you? Hmmmm....
- This last bit I just read tonight REALLY hit home with me. She was talking about how you child pushes your buttons, and how she personally dealt with anger towards one child of hers in particular. She kept trying to "fix" him, yet nothing she was doing was working. Then, through a seminar she attended she realized that "instead of seeing his voraciousness for life as a positive quality, I saw it as hard to handle and annoying. Instead of honoring the attributes bestowed upon him by a loving and all-knowing Creator and then attempting to steer them in a positive direction, I saw those attributes as mistakes, and I was determined to correct them!" (Barnhill, She's Gonna Blow, page 99). Ummmm... HELLLLLO! This is SO me with Brayden. I feel like every day is a frustrating, defeating battle with him. But reading this convicts me to the core, because I KNOW that a lot of the times I am not looking at him as an imperfect vessel that was created by a perfect Creator-- I am trying to get HIM to BE perfect instead of leaning on the PERFECT one for my strength as a mommy. It will never happen (having a perfect child), and in chasing that expectation I will always be left defeated, and sadly, eventually teach and transfer the same things to my precious little boy. Oh what a humbling experience it is to walk the path of parenthood my friends.

That's all for now. I am really enjoying this book, and unraveling the mystery that is my anger emotions. It's been incredibly refreshing to finally start tearing down these walls. And the greatest thing is that God is gracious. I am clinging to the fact that His grace covers my deepest and most tragic inadequacies.

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