(sidenote: there are two gory pictures below. I'm just telling you now so you can prepare. If you saw the pics from the previous post, these are not any worse... I promise).
I guess for some reason I ignorantly thought that visiting a surgeon would be just like a normal office visit. They would look at his finger, tell us that everything looked well, re-bandage it, and send us on our merry way to heal. Things just weren't clicking for me, and so today kind of hit me like a ton of bricks.
Connors hand does look good (relatively speaking). The surgeon (whom I LOVED and am so thankful to have gotten such a great recommendation for) said that the hospital did everything he would have done. That was relieving. The disheartening news for me today was that Connor will more than likely still have to have some sort of surgery. There are several different options out there, and all will revolve around how his wound heals at this point, so it's kind of a waiting game. The other downside is that we have to wait for it to heal, or partly heal at least, before we can even do anything. I get so sad for him thinking about him having to go through MORE pain. But I know that he's in good hands, so I'm trying to rest with the hands that we've been put in, and rest in knowing that ultimately God is in control of it all and my worry does nothing to help the situation.
One of the concerns moving forward is that there's a slight possibility when the swelling goes down that the bone could start to protrude. Yall, I can barely handle looking at Connor's finger now, much less if a bone was sticking out. Will yall pray with me that this doesn't happen? We also still are on the lookout for infection, that's probably the main prayer request at this point. Also, please pray for my endurance. I went into the doctor today thinking this would be my one and done appointment, and knowing I have to go back several times a month for the next several months was really hard for me to hear. I want what's best for Connor, but trying to coordinate childcare, get down to the doctor and then have to convince Connor to let someone else touch his hand is just really wearing.
I realize that in the grand scheme of things that there are a lot worse things we could be dealing with. Of all people, I know this first hand, as I have watched several friends deal with far, far worse with their kids. And I'll be the first to admit that I'm a slight drama queen when it comes to hardships. I'm the biggest pansy of them all. I'm sure Satan knows this and takes full advantage of the situations that life throws my way.
Tonight as I was about to just crumble from the emotional let down of knowing this path of healing for Connor is just starting instead of ending, I came across this verse:
And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
It was like God whispering to me saying to me: "Lindsey, it's ok. I've got this. It's ok to admit you're weak. Let me shine through this situation. Let me take care of Connor. I've got this. I'm God."
And so I say, "OK God. You're it. I tag you. There's no way I can handle all of this on my own."
Here we go...