Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Parenting Ramblings

This post may seem like a spider web, but since the entire point of my blog is to ramble about my life, I figure I should just be honest with all of you about the craziness that is my life the past two days. Brayden literally woke up crying and would not quit the entire day... MONDAY THRU TUESDAY. I would start out the day relaxed and convinced I would not let the screaming get to me. But by the fourth hour, all bets were off, and I found myself in a place I never wanted to be as a mom-- stressed, tired and no clue how to calm my crying child. And crying may not be the best description, because it was more of a whiny, I want you to hold me but then if you hold me I am still going to whine. Literally NOTHING I did calmed him. So he spent a lot of time in his crib while I tried to get myself together. I have to be honest and say that at 2 points in the day I even screamed back at him. It was not a pretty sight around these parts on Monday and Tuesday. And I really have walked around from the events a bit dazed and confused. Drew and I layed in bed last night wondering if something we are doing is wrong... surely there is something that we can do to hinder these types of days. Or not. As my child grows older it becomes more and more apparent that he, like myself, is a sinful being. He is selfish, defiant and definitely willful. It is my job to hone in on his character and create good out of the bad that is his nature. Unfortunately you can write a big "FAIL" on the past two days because instead of trying to mold my son I allowed his attitude to mold my own and taught him terrible reactions. I think if someone were to ask me to sum up parenting in a short phrase it would be: Trying to grapple through life without losing your hair, mind and sanity, all the while knowing that your every action and inaction will shape the next generation, and laying your head down at night only to question every single thing you did that day and wondering if you can do it again in 8 hours. Does that statement make you tremble? It does me. And sadly, I feel like I am losing this parenting battle. At least today I do. Thankfully I have a husband who said "well, count it a good day if you're both still alive at the end of the day." The comment was part sarcastic, but part truth, as I've told Drew many times before that if I had an evil heart I am sure there are times I might have killed someone (either myself, my son or a combination of both!). Parenting is SO hard. SO hard. And today I just wonder if I am even doing it right. I don't write those words to get comments about how good of a mommy I am or that it's OK... I don't need pats on the back. I guess I need more people to be real with me and tell me that it's normal for me to have days like this. I feel like so many people put on masks saying their lives are wonderful, their marriage is wonderful and their kids never throw tantrums and always eat their green veggies. PULEASE. Can't we all pull our big girl panties up and be honest with each other? And perhaps you are being honest with me in that you and the many facets of your life have no faults. By all means, I step aside on this stage for you to share your wisdom. I'll take any advice I can get at this moment, and continue to grapple through my days trying to find the balance between sanity and reality (if there is even a difference).

A Dollop of My Life Copyright © 2007 -- Template created by O Pregador -- Powered by Blogger