Oh man. Today was one of those days. The minute Brayden woke up I knew it was going to be a pull of wills. He just was testy from the start. Unfortunately for a reason I have no idea why, I woke up with very little patience. As I rolled out of bed, I said a prayer to God crying out for patience and wisdom in how to handle Brayden. Truth be told, I find myself so frustrated with MYSELF when Brayden is having a testy day. I want so badly for him to obey because he WANTS to obey, not just because he fears the consequences of disobedience. I find myself explaining that love is not angry, but a lot of the times I am saying that right after I react to his disobedience in anger. Oh the plight of parenting. It's so hard knowing that I am displaying an example that B will follow and knowing that I am failing in that regard. Which leads me to my next point.
I've been thinking a lot about God's grace. I am so thankful for a God who over and over again tells me that His grace is sufficient. That His grace will cover my inadequacies as a mom. He also tells me that He will give me wisdom if I ask for it. And oh how I have been asking. I am learning, but it's a slow process. I have learned that true discipline, Godly, biblical discipline, requires even more discipline from the parents than the child. I have to always be on my toes. It's tiring, but in my heart I know it's what is best for my family. I just keep thanking God for grace. I need it so much through this process of mommyhood.
I am also thankful for a mom who will pick up her cell phone when I call, hear my stress and anxiety on the other end and pleas for prayer, and immediately pray. Right then and there. I called mom when both boys were screaming in their cribs and I didn't think I was going to make it another second. She bathed me in prayer and I know is continuing to pray because this afternoon I've had more patience, Connor is sleeping and Brayden has been (relatively) cooperative.
The other night as I was nursing Connor, I remembered back to the days when Drew and I didn't know if we'd be able to have children. As hard as my morning had been, I looked at my sweet sleeping babe, and I realized that Brayden and Connor are both answers to prayer. I begged God during that period of infertility to give me children, and He has answered my cries. He will be faithful to answer my cries for energy, wisdom and patience as I learn to raise these two young men. I am confident in His faithfulness, for He has shown Himself faithful already.
6 days ago